What's wrong with me?

It's been eleven years or so since I was taken away from my bio mom (I think). I'm glad that I got out of there because it was like a horror movie. I only have snippets of memories, but I'm scared to remember the rest. I know that bad things happened in that trailer, but I don't remember probably 80% of it.

I've been told that I probably don't remember it because it was really bad stuff or I'm not ready to remember it. I think I want to know what happened.

I've seen the Egg Donor (currently known as the crackasourus ho) weekly and now monthly ever since then. She always says that she loves me and regrets not being able to see all of her kids grow up. I don't believe her. If we meant that much to her, she should have actually taken care of her kids instead of being am addict.

Coming from someone like that, I think that it's amazing how almost sane I am. I'll always be traumatized from that time of my life, but I'm going to continue to push through it.

She went to graduation which was nearly a week ago. She took a few pictures, stayed for the ceremony, and left. She didn't say congratulations or take pictures or anything. She just left. The next day was my birthday and graduation party. She has texted me happy birthday the past few years when we've both had phones, so I was waiting for that text.

It never came.

A day or so later, she posted on my sisters Facebook wall saying happy birthday and she couldn't wait to see us next month. She didn't post on my wall. I may have ignored her texts for the past couple of months after I told her that I hated her for letting things happen the way they did back in the trailer, but she's still supposed to love me.

I hate that I feel like this. I hate her more than I hate idiots, although she does fall under that category, but I still want her love or acceptance or something. After everything that happened behind closed curtains, all the therapy I had to and will have to go through due to her, I still wanted that little piece of appreciation from her.

Why do I want that from her? Why do I still care about what she thinks? I thought I was over her, ready to leave her in the past, but I don't know what to think anymore. Is this a normal thing to feel?

I'll figure it out some day...I hope. Just saying.