Feelings unknown

He's gone. He was kicked out of the house yet again for doing drugs and stealing.

I know that I should feel angry and betrayed, i do don't get me wrong, but I pity him more than anything. He appeared to be doing pretty good. He was sober, supposedly for over a year, and was taking care of one of his kids. He had a job and a girlfriend. I don't know when it all started to go bad again. I never fully trusted him, but I was shocked when I learned about this. I was more surprised than angry.

How bad do things have to get before he cleans up for good? He quit his job because there were drugs there. He did the right thing! That was approximately a month or so ago. Did he start using recently? He has another child on the way. He seemed to be happy about it.

What's going to happen now? I assume the child he had custody over will stay at my house, thank God I'm leaving in a few months, but what's he going to do? I shouldn't worry about it, but I'm curious. To my knowledge, he doesn't have any friends unless he really is using again. I hope that one day he will clean himself up for good; if not for himself, than for his kids. They deserve a father and he isn't giving it to them.

How did we get here? From the beginning of my life here was happy. We had family photos and traditions and now it's just my parents upset that he hasn't changed for good.

I hope that they don't blame me. If I asked, I know that they would say that they didn't, but why wouldn't they? They still love him and every time tat he leaves or gets kicked out, it's because of me. He does something stupid like stealing from me and I have to tell them. I wish I knew how they felt, that they could be honest about it without worrying about hurting my feelings.

I'm pretty sure that his girlfriend is mad at me. I feel really bad about them being kicked out because I really liked her. I know that it's not my fault, but I feel like bad things are prone to happen around me. It seems like they always are. :( I gotta keep moving on though. Maybe one day more good things than bad will revolve around my mini universe that revolves around me.

Just saying.