My week has been overwhelming. I didn't rest much this past weekend due to prom and egg donor Sunday, and I think that is playing a role in my hormone rollercoaster.
My days seem to start off great: I'm in a good mood, have finished homework for class, and I feel good about myself. These mornings seem to be rare, but they're beauty is worth the wait.
Today I decided to wear a dress to school because I wanted to feel good, and to be perfectly honest, I shaved my legs recently so they're super soft. I straightened my hair last night and put a face of makeup on. I felt like the girl in West Side Story singing I Feel Pretty. I don't know why, but I just felt good.
I go to school and things seem great. The person that tries to ruin my day first thing every morning was late so I didn't see them until after NHS. What's even better is that they were nice when I saw them. I received so many compliments (more than all of mine this year combined).
Classes started and everything was fine until my study hall when I started to do my homework. I all of a sudden started to feel very overwhelmed and doubted my ability to finish at all. It's my own fault for taking two work filled classes, but I didn't really anticipate all of the stress because I thought I had so much time to do it.
Anyways, so my mood made a 180. I went from happy to a mixture of frustration, anger, loneliness. That mood hasn't changed. I think it also started when I started thinking about how people were saying that I looked nice. I guess I just didn't like it or I over think things to the extreme.
Its Thursday night and the season finales of Grey's Anatomy and Scandal are on. I'm actually watching Grey's Anatomy right now. The dog came up on the couch and laid on my lap like the cutie he is, and I realized exactly what I needed: a hug. On the second commercial, I went to my moms room and plopped down and gave her a hug (I didn't get anything from it of course). She asked what was wrong and I just said, "I had a crappy day, crappy week actually, and I feel like crap." She started talking about how its almost all over and college is coming up and how she'll send me care packages like she did for Emily. I don't know if it's because it's change or the thought of being alone, but I'm scared to leave. Anything could happen and I don't know.
I'm scared and wondering if I made the right decision. Who knows, it will all work out in the end...I hope. Just saying.
(The pictures are from prom. It's another time that I felt extra pretty.)
