College changes things even before you're there

In February, I was pretty sure what I wanted to do for college: UMPI. People were surprised, and they even started to treat me differently. They were being extra nice, and in some cases, even wanted to spend time together. It was lovely.

My mom has spent the last few months trying to convince me to go to Husson instead. I would get a better education and form relationships with the people in the Bangor area, which is where I will probably end up working. These are very good points, but there is one thing that it's missing. I want to go away, explore a little, and live in a dorm. I couldn't do that at Husson.

I have recently made my final decision to go to UMPI. It's a change that I hope I'll like. I won't be able to be in the comfort of my room or anything, but I'll get an education and meet new people. Since I've made the decision, I've been treated differently...again. The difference is, this time it's not everyone being nice.

My friends are saying that they'll miss me, and that's really sweet! I wish it was the same in my own home though. My parents have distanced themselves and make little comments about me leaving. My sister is the favorite because she's staying home. Shouldn't they be encouraging me to do this? I don't know that, but I know that I'm terrified to go. I haven't been away from home for more than a week before. It's scary to think that I won't be in the same house as the people that have raised me and the one person that I've always been with, my sister.

It's also very exciting to think that I'm going to be on my own...kind of. I'll be sharing a room again, and learning how to take care of myself. Its going to be an experience that I'll remember for the rest of my life whether it's good or bad. Hopefully it's amazing.

Just saying.

New York: Day 1

When we first entered into New York, we were in a "sketchy" part of town. Within minutes of our arrival, there was a woman, smoking, on the side of the road. We were all very surprised to see her pop a squat on the side of the road and pee.

The group split up to eat dinner and shop around before we headed to Broadway. I ate at Ellen's Stardust Diner. This is a fabulous restaurant where the waiters serve you delicious food and give you a show of music. They literally sing while they serve you!

After that amazing experience, things got even better. The show we saw tonight was none other than Wicked! I've wanted to see it since I was in fourth grade when we sang "For Good" to the principal that was leaving. I had very high expectations because the music is like angels, at least it is on Pandora, and Glee promoted it quite often.

I fell in love with it! The actors sang beautifully and danced a jolly good show. It was beyond words! I never really thought about what happened before Dorothy went into the Land of Oz. It just blew my mind! I strongly recommend seeing Broadway shows, Wicked if at all possible. Just saying! :)

Egg Donor Sunday

I should be doing homework right now, but I'm procrastinating a little bit. Anyways, a few people have asked about the Egg Donor. I saw her today, and thought I would share how it all went.

She doesn't know this, but we're fighting right now. We had a heated texting conversation in February and I'm not over it. I didn't see her last month, so today was the first time I spoke to her since our little conversation.

She gave me candy, and a box of girl scout cookies (thin mints, which are my favorite!), so I was quite pleasant towards her. My brother Kevin and his son Kevin Jr were there too. Kevin Jr is my favorite 6 year old. He randomly breaks out into song, singing let it go, and was extra playful today.

Normally, he just talks for everyone to hear, but he gave me most of his attention today. He wrestled with me, and apparently we were fighting, I won of course, and played games where he tried to pull me out of the booth. I'm a bit stubborn and competitive so he kept losing to me and winning against everyone else.

I've seen Kevin Jr the past two or three months, but before that I hadn't seen him for about a year. I made sure to cherish our time together. I hope to see him again! Just saying. :)

(That's Egg Donor in the last picture)

Zahra!

I only met Zahra this year. What's sad is that I probably wouldn't have talked to her much if I had not done soccer. I was seriously considering not doing it, but I'm glad that I did.

I remember one of the first few conversations that I had with her was about different actors and movies. Channing Tatum definitely came up because he's amazeballs. Ever since then, we've spoken nearly every day with conversations ranging from movies to her religion which is super interesting to the meaning of different words like an accountant. I guess I never really thought about how much of a culture shock exchange students go through.

As time went by, we became even closer friends. We had psychology together in the first semester and may have talked throughout many of the classes. I have had the best time getting to know her.

I enjoy listening to her talk about her country and religion. I especially love to hear about her cats. She's a grandmother to her cats kittens. She is so adorable! She's one of the smartest people ever met and one of the strongest. I'm proud to say that we're friends and will be spending the whole New York trip together! Just saying. :)

Say yes to the dress

Say yes to the dress is a TV show with brides picking ridiculously expensive wedding dresses. Sometimes I like to watch it to see all of the giant, poofy dresses.

Finding a prom dress is vaguely similar to picking a wedding dress. You want it to look spectacular and you want to be comfortable if at all possible.

I found a beautiful pink gown online to wear for prom. It was sparkly, strapless, pink, outrageously poofy, and made boobs look fabulous. It was only $119, its super cheap for how big it is.

To order, I had to be measured thoroughly: boobs, waist, hips, and height. The day after it was ordered, the person making it emailed my mom to double check on the measurements; apparently my measurements are abnormal or something. My mom said that they were right and that was that.

I waited for weeks for my dress to be shipped. It was shipped on Monday and arrived on Thursday. I was so excited! It was the dress I fell in love last year but I finally got to have it.

I tried it on yesterday and it was made for someone half my size! Half! They even double checked on the measurements and sent a dress half my size!!

I'm very upset about this. Just saying.

Happy Easter

It's a tradition to go to my Grammy's every easter Sunday. It's always a lot of fun because I get to see some family I don't visit with very often and I'm fed to full capacity.

When I arrived to her house, there was dip and wheat thins set up for snacking. It was a little before 11 and lunch is always served at 12. I snacked and awaited the arrival of my older sister Lilly.

I haven't seen Lilly since February vacation, so I was pretty excited. She finally got there, and we talked for hours. We ate, while she stole food off my plate occasionally to be funny, and co tinged talking until I left around 1:30 or so.

I probably won't see her again until graduation. I'm excited for the next time we hang out together. It's always fun to hear how extraordinary and dramatic her life is.

I envy her. Just saying. :)

Reminder of the past

Its been a long couple of day. If I'm being honest, its been a long 18 years that I might never recover from. I'm not going to tell the story because its not my place to share, but I'm going to express how I feel.

Yesterday, I saw an eight year old that reminded me of my eight year old self. I was sitting on the couch and I saw her, she was scared and nothing will ever be the same again.

I lost my mother when I was eight, maybe right before I turned eight, and I can't help but remember what that felt like when I saw this little girl. Neither of our mothers died, but they were both neglecting parents. To not be able to be with your mom when you need her most is one of the worst feelings a child can feel. I'm on the verge of tears thinking about this. I wish that there was something I could do to make her feel better, or make me feel better, but I don't think that there is. Life is hard. Just saying.

Graduation

Graduation is only a couple months away, and I am terrified, excited, and sad at the same time.

I'm terrified because it's going to be a huge change. I've finally come to a spot in my life where everything is kind of stable, for lack of a  better word. I'm more confident that I used to be and I've grown to be someone that I'm almost proud of. I plan on going to go to a new school, hopefully UMPI, and it's like almost three hours away. It's going to be completely different, and I wont be able to lean on other people like I've grown accustomed to. If I am lucky enough to go, I'll only know one person there, a friend from Dirigo Girls State. I wont have any family close by to see all the time. I'm going to miss them so much. I'm also an introvert, so I'm going to have to learn to talk to new people. It's going to be so overwhelming.

I'm excited because it will all be new. I know that kind of contradicts the previous paragraph, but it's how I feel. I've gotten tired of some of these people, and I need a little change of scenery or friends. The familiarity has become boring. I used to have major life changes so often; this same day routine is a little to easy to do now. I want a small change, but I'm going to get a world of change.

I'm very sad to leave Bucksport High School because this year has been the best year of my life so far. I made some amazing new friends like Zarah, Brooke, Caitlyn, and Caitlin. I had new teachers to teach me new classes. I've recycled my teachers through the past few years. This year I had Mrs. Morrison, and she is the best teacher I've ever had. She also figured me out. She gave me the first year that I didn't stress out about midterms. She has also taught me life lessons that I will never forget. Thank you Mrs. Mo! :)

Graduation feels like the end of everything that I've worked for for the last four years. It's going to be weird, but theres a saying that says something like this: When a door closes a window opens. I may have butchered it, but you guys get the point. I'm going to miss high school for a very long time.

Graduation is the first step to the rest of my life. Just saying.

I'm gonna have a bf!

I'm having one of those days where everything just seems to frustrate me. I've been complaining since I woke this morning. My dog was laying my way when I was trying to get out of bed to take my shower. I may have possibly yelled a little bit. To top off the morning, my sister walked in on me while I was getting dressed. That was very awkward because I was singing and slightly indecent. My mom was in the bathroom and heard the whole thing. She heard me singing to Heartbeat Song by Kelly Clarkson, even though she doesn't know the song, and then heard me yell "Oh My God!" I was pretty scared. It's strange to turn around while you're singing like an idiot and see your sister standing there staring at you. Awkward!!!!! Anyways, I've been complaining all day and it's not even 10:30.

It's been a morning of bf's. For all of you that haven't seen White Chicks, an amazing movie, bf stands for bitch fit. It's been an interesting morning to say the least. I was bitching throughout the whole break. It started off with a paper I'm editing for a person in English that shall remain nameless. We have to cite our resources throughout the paper, and this person didn't do it correctly. I just complained about it. Normally, this wouldn't aggravate me at all, but today, for some reason, it really made me angry. I may have also bitched about another person that just made me "soups" angry when they told me what a competition would be like. Um, actually, I went last year, I know what it's like.

I guess the whole point of this is that I'm in a mood. I'll watch White Chicks later and have a bf with them. Just saying. :)