Nerd alert!

I've been told that I'm sassy. I can vaguely see it, but I think people read too much into everything I say, how I do things, and how I approach people with no common sense. I've also been told that I'm a nerd...I KNOW that's true.

I started a book on Saturday, The Kite Runner, and I finished it today. I feel like most people in my position, a fresh graduate with no job, a car with a full tank of gas, and friends, would be doing something fun like going to the movies or going swimming.

I went to a few graduation parties, I personally wasn't drinking, but I read as much as I could. I could have been watching Netflix or hung out with my friends, but I laid in bed or the majority of three days and read for pleasure.

Yesterday, it came to my attention that I am nothing like my birth family. A lot of them have done drugs or have been around them, didn't finish high school or didn't go to college, and they either have jobs that teens usually have or are on welfare. Most of them started doing drugs and drinking alcohol, a few didn't get addicted, but I haven't done any of those things. I haven't even tried alcohol unlike most kids my age! I have no interest in those things. I don't want to even try it because I'm scared. I'm scared that I'll turn out like the rest of them. A failure.

I think that's my biggest fear. I've tried so hard my whole life to be the best at everything and anything. I hoped that it would be good enough. That maybe my mom would love me. Maybe her husband wouldn't beat me one night I'd I was just good enough. Then when I was adopted, I wanted to be good so they wouldn't want to send me back. They said that they loved me, but I was scared that they might change their mind and send me away. It certainly didn't help when they threatened to call the police on me. I don't ever remember being able to just be me. To be able to just be average at something and not have to work as hard I could to try to please someone else.

I've digressed. Back to me being a nerd. I would rather spend my summer reading and exploring the literature world. I was deprived of opportunities to enjoy myself from a young age. Now that I have the option to be young and enjoy everything that life has to offer, all I want is to do things differently than other people. Yes, I would rather spend my summer reading books can help fill the hole inside. I would love to spend my time furthering my education, exploring the world of literature, and feel like I don't belong to the family that wasted my childhood. If that makes me a nerd, so be it.

Just saying :)