Again with being depressed

There wasn't anything particularly worse today than others, but I just feel down today. I think that going away in a month is beginning to change how I look at things.

It started this morning when I got mad at my sister. It was stupid but it made me excited to leave. We've been together since the womb. Whenever someone finds out that we're going to different colleges, they ask if it's going to be weird or if we'll miss each other, Every time I say that I'm excited to be separated and I wont miss her that much because we barely talk as it is. I know that I'm going to miss her but at least I can be known as me. Hopefully people will actually talk to me when I talk to them and it wont be like talking to a brick wall.

My parents have been emotional lately. My dad has been angry and my mom has been off and on angry and bipolar emotions. They're just stressed and overwhelmed. I understand that but they keep taking it out on me. My mom has to go to court in a couple of weeks to testify against Ben and Ana, one of Ben's baby mamas. They haven't really noticed me in a while. They know that I'm there, but they don't see me. I don't know if I'm getting the point across but that's how it seems. I'm physically present and they can see that but they don't see the person inside I guess.

Today my mom asked me if I was okay. She usually only asks when I'm not okay and I make it obvious and I'm discretely asking for attention. I wasn't doing that today. She said that I look depressed. They tell me that all the time so it isn't anything new for me to hear. I wouldn't go as far as saying that I'm depressed, but I have been a little out of it lately. I can't stop thinking. I'm scared to go away because of the things that I'm going to miss and I guess that I don't know how to deal with it.

I feel kind of disconnected from the world. I talk more to myself than I do to other people because everyone else has lives. I feel like no one else feels the same as me even though I bet a lot of people feel similar to me. It feels like no one really cares about me right now because they all have their own dramatic lives to deal with.

Life will go on no matter what I do. I need to start by being happy and learning to accept the choices that I have made. Just saying.